Just thought I'd share a small tidbit... a story really.... a true one.....
A dear and wise friend of mine (whose name I will keep confidential) is the SECOND wife of a good man-currently they have been married for almost 4 DECADES.
He had children from a previous marriage when they married.
She was young and in love... and some would suppose that that combination could make a woman selfish... and in many cases it does, but for her- even on a minuscule income from a receptionist job... she NEVER asked for him to pay THEIR bills BEFORE or INSTEAD of his Child Support.
In fact, her philosophy was:
"I married you to be with YOU. I can pay the mortgage, buy groceries and clothes... YOU came with the responsibility of children- I'm fine with that. I'm capable of providing for US."
FOUR decades later, he never did miss a child support payment (or other financial opportunities to care for his kids) and they live in a beautiful home with successful businesses.
When she wanted a NEW sofa or vacation or diamond ring... she created a way to buy it... and when they had "extra" money for themselves they used it.
As a powerful and capable woman- she was a FULL partner in the creation of that life... even as they had their own kids later on.
Of course HER kids were and are just as loved and cherished as the kids from his first marriage... and they always knew that Dad was the kind of dad that would do whatever it took to care for ALL of his kids. OH... .and they saw that from MOM too.
And as a STEPMOM who didn't create a "COMPETITION" between herself and the stepkids... they all loved her (with time) and call her "MOM."
and p.s. This created A LOT of peace between her and the original wife too.....
As women entering a relationship with a Man with Kids.... we get to hold ourselves to a higher standard... to own our EMPOWERMENT.... to PAY for our way... because HIS MONEY... is REALLY HIS KIDS MONEY... and we don't have the RIGHT to take it from them. Or his time OR his attention away from THEM.....