That life is a long ago memory.
At the time, I had a working husband and a daughter that was in school.
Life as I know it now, is as a single mom with 3 kids- working as a Sales Manager at the Diamond Store and doing quite a bit of speaking, photography and humanitarian events on weekends.
BUT----- Once in a while I find the time to jog.
There's a beautiful cycle I like to trek near my house, it begins in lawn trimmed neighborhoods and meanders through the sister small town to mine, around a small lake before winding back home. The hills are gentle and the pond geese have began to accept me--- (not as one of their own per-say- but they don't attack as often)
Because my commitment to exercise has been sporadic ... sometimes I achieve the 4 mile jaunt easily and other times I don't.
This week, I returned home from a stressful day at work; my kids were handling their chores and homework (regular after school responsibilities) and I knew that the pent up energy inside of me deserved to shift- or else it would explode all over my unassuming, beautiful, unsuspecting children. In fact, my 11 year old was pestering his bro and I snapped at him- luckily, I regrouped and said, "Okay- I'm going to go on a jog."
The jog was normal. I was pushing myself. A little warm up- and then chin tucked, head down, chugging up the hills like the "little engine that could."
Sure, I was also looking at the sky, the flowers, etc. I was absorbing the beauty and heightening my energy by acknowledging nature (learned that trick from the book CELESTINE PROPHECY) and eventually I found myself along the dirt path that circles the pond...being stared down menacingly- but tolerantly by the Pond Geese Gang.
I came to the last hill... THE LONG ONE.... the subtle but LONG incline... and I was tired.
I don't mind jogging or pushing my body... I think while I do "Yep, my legs are burning, my chest is burning, my heart is beating... that's what this is for- of course it's uncomfortable- it's supposed to be. I can handle uncomfortable for 30 minutes."
As I began to "THINK I CAN" my way up the hill... I REALLY was saying to myself: "I can make it up the hill." and as my breath was coming harder and my chin was tucked down even farther... I suddenly realized I wasn't ENJOYING the JOG.
So immediately, I started walking.
Yes, at a brisk pace... but I began WALKING.
There's a beautiful abandoned building upon this hill and the sage brush and wild weeds all around it were in full spring bloom. The sky behind the decrepit brick structure was indigo blue and giant cotton-ball clouds speckled the horizon above the mountaintops in the distance.
As I continued my "jog" walking I listened to the message in my heart as it spoke.
"It's okay to walk. You didn't lie down and give up. You didn't wave down passing cars or people or look for anyone else to complete the jog for you. You are putting one foot in front of the other. You are making progress. Keep Going. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself."
In my past, I have gone from one side of the pendulum swing to the next. As I'm aging and growing, I am learning to balance a little more in the middle. I am learning that it's ok to walk on a jog, to change to adapt, to adjust, to relax.
Celestine Prophecy is one of the most interesting books I've read. Buy it here. (It's Amazon. I don't get kick backs- just a heck of a good read)