Sunday, June 29, 2014

Sunday Meditation

Sunday Morning Journal Entry

I began the day at the cemetery. I whistle to the birds and thank them for watching over Jonah and the other graves here.
Today, I etched a "sacred circle" in the dirt and greeted the sunrise within it. 

I took my shoes off and walked the perimeter of the grass plot block- I know that as a Divine Being, my feet bless Mother Earth with every step. 

image credit all that you can not leave behind by Anastasia Volkova on Flickr

I stopped to see a large green beetle who was dead. As I looked, I thought "It is fitting that here he lay- amongst these others." and the knowledge came through me that while the small beetle means very little to my life- that HIS life to him was AS important as mine is to ME.

I was now nearing the last part of the paved path that led to where I parked and as I walked I began to walk along the interlinking cracks and wear in the pavement. I remember that as a child I would do the same thing. Trailing along the crooked lines in the road that skirted my house. 

image credit Pavement Cracks by Mike Sly on Flickr

I did the same and saw how if I continued along a crack-it connected to another and I would eventually find my way to my destination- indeed I would be led there. I learned that the path isn't straight- in fact often it was jagged- but always, when I looked ahead and stayed true to the path- I would reach where I intended to go.

I learned and REMEMBERED also that just like the cracks- we are all connected. Life is a web that includes God- the web is 3 and 4 and 5th dimensional- extending into heaven while on Earth as well.

I came across a patch where a very active colony of Ants filled and spilled over the gravel I intended to tread. I stopped. I crouched. I watched. 

The activity made no sense to me; it was busy and to me- CHAOTIC, BUT  I also realized that it made perfect sense to THEM and to the colony this was perfect order- to them they worked together in partnership as they created abundance, prosperity, survival and thriving in their world- oblivious to me.

I stepped over carefully because I know that for me to walk my destiny and achieve my end- it is unnecessary to hurt or harm another on theirs unintentionally. How easy is it to step wider- reach farther- in order to forego harming.

I reached the car... I took this book out and sat by the tree that grows in a gentle spiral near where Jonah's body lay... and I am writing. 

My IPOD is on and as it plays the BREEZE lifts and swirls around me with the melody... I can tell the DEVA's and Angels here love it. 

The birds are singing across the sky to each other above me and I am grateful to be here. I am grateful for the messages and teaching Mother Father God gifted me this morning.

Image Credit

I am full of love and I am blessed while also feeling melancholy. I am here at my son's grave- but I know I am here to learn... it was the pain that broke open my heart and through these cracks- I allow the light to shine in and out. I wonder if I would have had a softened heart otherwise- but wondering is irrelevant. What is now... is what is. 

Monday, June 23, 2014

Bridget's Staff

I am a "pocket philosopher" but I'm also an artist. 
I routinely create paintings/artwork on Hoop Drums. 
This is a Goat Skin Bodhran Drum 18" 
I facilitate Hoop Drum Circles. You can see more about them here:

I am routinely asked to carve drumsticks, and staffs.
Staffs are Spiritual tools. They tap into the energy of Mother Earth and Channel in the connection to Father sky. Many are adorned with crystals, feathers, special items.
Every image, intention, word or design created upon a staff or drum INFUSES the tool with energy that begins immediately creating upon it's own.
So, while Staff's have their own inherent qualities, what I- the artist, lovingly craft into/onto the piece, stays with it forever.

Here is Bridget's Staff. One of my most recent commissions.

Peacock Feather and Deer Bone

The Staff. Quartz crystal and Calcite Crystal

Peacock Feathers were carved and then painted and then sealed with an overcoat.

Naturally... a Butterfly. If you know Bridget than you are saying "Of course."

 There was a natural Snake Head in the Staff. Snakes represent new beginnings, shedding old skins and past pain or history, the henna design is a Fractal that reminds us we are ever growing, expanding, learning and there is no end.

 I love the snake tail. :)

Finally The bottom. A Deer Hoof.
Deer Totems remind us that there is GREAT POWER in gentleness, and assist us in knowing Self-Love.

(Staff Carving is usually $150-$200 )

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

The Angel at the Baby Graveyard

This Angel watches over the Baby Graveyard in Utah. Because I stop by there most Sunday Mornings, I have been waiting for the perfect overcast day to capture her image.

Art creates.

All things are energy.

It was Michelangelo who said "I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."

As an artist myself, I paint native american hoop drums and carve ceremonial staffs and drumsticks.... I wait until I see the painting or design in the piece and then, I trace or carve what I see. 

What I also see, is energy.

Everything, living or synthetically altered has an energy flow. It moves.

Trees move like waves on a calm ocean and a pulse ripples up from the ground through their branches. The heartbeat of Mother Earth.

All living things have a fairly fluid movement, a spiral, a water like movement, a flow.

The more synthetic an item... manufactured chairs or countertops, plastics etc...  have a vibration or movement that reminds me of bees buzzing. Static.

So, what I know about Artwork....

Paintings and sculptures have massive movement. Photographs not as much. Advertising... not much- that is more like the static.

The movement has nothing to do with the image... but the artist. Something dark and angry has as much movement as a water lily scene. 

So, I learned from the time I was small, that what we surround ourselves with (artwork, posters, clothing, jewelry...) is CREATING.

I have never liked synthetic jewelry. It feels different. Even as a teen, I only wore silver and stone. 

The Angel.

Knowing that the energy is creating, the intention of the Artist is continually flowing through an art piece and that true artists channel in Divinity... 

I love her. She watches over the babies spirits and comforts the people who come to sit, and place flowers, and to cry. 

Monday, June 9, 2014


This is personal for me.

But important to share.

I hear a lot about women being pushed down in society... for generations and hundreds of years really...

Here's my bottom line- In America, at this time in history; if you are feeling PUSHED DOWN... it's a lie.
Women aren't.
It's really more about the REFUSAL to STAND UP.

A spiritual guide once said to me "If you don't own your power, someone else will."
Elena Radford

For a long time in my marriage relationship, there were things that weren't working... and like EVERY single one of us who have faced the degeneration of a relationship... there's A LONG backstory. (that's not what this post is about)

One day, after years of "TRYING" to change HIM, to change ME, to be perfect, to be different, to DENY the facts, to avoid... I sat down and in a moment of DIVINE CLARITY... made a LIST.


I had a profound breakthrough in my wisdom which was this:

I have and had NO RIGHT to expect ANYTHING of another person. Not their financial support, their emotional support, their loyalty, or LOVE.... NO ONE, including my husband, OWED me anything.

He was FREE to be and DO whatever he chose. I have NO authority over ANOTHER person.

Yes, there were some things... even major things that weren't healthy or working between us, but HE could do whatever he wanted. I was not IN CHARGE of how HE showed up... I'm in charge of how I DID and DO show up for ME.

I began writing my list.


The list wasn't about HIM... It was about ME.

The list was what I DESERVED in a relationship- NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT what HE had to do or should do.


I wrote things like:
Integrity, industry, compassion, empowerment, nurturing, honoring, passion, LOVE, etc....

What's the catch?
I didn't allow myself to write anything I wasn't WILLING to GIVE/BE.

THE LIST was a monumental shift in my perception. It shifted from what he was doing, or what I was getting-to acknowledging my worth.

I remember hanging the list on the back of my bedroom door and he looked at it and said "So, you're expecting me to be these?!"
I answered "No, but I'm saying I know what I deserve. You can do whatever you want."

I look back now and know that that was a shift in our relationship in a major way.
I also get to say that although he and I chose to shift our relationship from the "marriage" box to a "friendship" box now; he is a wonderful man and dad. He and I have a better relationship now than we did for years... and a LARGE part of it is because each of us relies upon ourselves for ourselves- financially and emotionally.

The LIST changed my life. I learned that I get to GIVE what I DESIRE. I learned that I am solid in my heart and self and because of that any person in relationship with me has the FREEDOM to be whoever they are. I learned that I LOVE myself enough and am POWERFUL enough to walk away from a relationship that doesn't honor myself.

I come from a culture that routinely asks us women to get clear about what we want in a man, or love partner what to look for.... I am calling to light that it's time we start getting CLEAR about what type of LOVE partner we are willing to BE.
To stop looking outside ourselves for gratification and to build our foundation within.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Love Like Spiderwebs

I'm learning.
We all are.

When I was mid twenties.... I loved the idea of LOVE.... after my marriage fell apart in my early thirties... I remember saying that Love was just an illusion. That in the world there is no such thing. That everyone just wanted to take advantage of others for their own self-gain.....

Now, I feel like it is all Love, and the experiences I've had were only there to teach me what LOVE really is.

When I was young I thought LOVE was when someone saved you.
BIG PROBLEM we are teaching young people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First, that girls need saving (by anyone else than themselves) Second, that men need to save everyone.

Have you ever met a "perpetual DAMSEL IN DISTRESS" ??? A woman who is always in trouble... and USUALLY... finding MEN who NEED to BE NEEDED.... both are fulfilling a subconscious idea of worthlessness... SHE believes she is loved when someone is saving her... that's the proof she's worth it and HE is fulfilled by the HERO SYNDROME... a belief that his worth is based on his ability to save her...
Eventually these relationships implode. ALWAYS.

But as I'm older (love and hate that I just wrote those words) I began to realize that many people love like spiderwebs....
Trying to "catch" our prey.
Men have fallen for me... (whether I wanted them to or not) and for whatever reason their ideas have shifted to "I got you. You belong to me." To me, this isn't love.
Also, I have had my fair share of crushes these past few years and recognized the impulse in myself to be attached to someone....


                                                                        Deep Forest by Pavlo Kuzyk Flickr

What I am learning now....

Real LOVE... has no expectation or attachment. Real LOVE is FREEDOM. REAL LOVE is CHOICE.

Real LOVE means wanting JOY for MYSELF and SOMEONE else, the HIGHEST GOOD and GREATNESS for us BOTH... the GROWTH and EVOLUTION of us BOTH.  That I don't have the "right" to put agendas and expectations upon how they interact with me... but I also LOVE myself clearly enough to KNOW HOW I DESERVE TO BE TREATED, and will hold a standard for MYSELF--- not because Mr. Hero has to behave a certain way to get laid.
Real LOVE means that I am fully accountable for my emotions and finances and place on this planet... but also willing to be in partnership with another who is fully accountable for theirs.

It doesn't mean looking for someone with a great career, life, path they are on- so I can piggyback upon their dreams... but walking forward along my OWN path and realizing that our TWO paths line up.

I'm not looking to be caught or to catch anyone. I'm intending to FLY and SOAR through the skies... I want that for someone else too. Just like migrating birds who take turns in the headwind but are ultimately going the same direction towards the same destination.

                                      Photo credit: Bird Song poster, London Underground, via The Feather Collective

EVERYONE must fly their own sky... use their OWN WINGS. To me- this is what LOVE is. Freedom and Choice. Honoring and Empowering. Loving myself and being so OKAY with who I am that I can LOVE and Cherish another for what they are... without "NEEDING" them to fill an imaginary hole I may think I have.

Oh and lots of good sex. That too. ;)
(lol... really did write that last sentence...)