We all are.
When I was mid twenties.... I loved the idea of LOVE.... after my marriage fell apart in my early thirties... I remember saying that Love was just an illusion. That in the world there is no such thing. That everyone just wanted to take advantage of others for their own self-gain.....
Now, I feel like it is all Love, and the experiences I've had were only there to teach me what LOVE really is.
When I was young I thought LOVE was when someone saved you.
BIG PROBLEM we are teaching young people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! First, that girls need saving (by anyone else than themselves) Second, that men need to save everyone.
Have you ever met a "perpetual DAMSEL IN DISTRESS" ??? A woman who is always in trouble... and USUALLY... finding MEN who NEED to BE NEEDED.... both are fulfilling a subconscious idea of worthlessness... SHE believes she is loved when someone is saving her... that's the proof she's worth it and HE is fulfilled by the HERO SYNDROME... a belief that his worth is based on his ability to save her...
Eventually these relationships implode. ALWAYS.
But as I'm older (love and hate that I just wrote those words) I began to realize that many people love like spiderwebs....
Trying to "catch" our prey.
Men have fallen for me... (whether I wanted them to or not) and for whatever reason their ideas have shifted to "I got you. You belong to me." To me, this isn't love.
Also, I have had my fair share of crushes these past few years and recognized the impulse in myself to be attached to someone....
Deep Forest by Pavlo Kuzyk Flickr
What I am learning now....
Real LOVE... has no expectation or attachment. Real LOVE is FREEDOM. REAL LOVE is CHOICE.
Real LOVE means wanting JOY for MYSELF and SOMEONE else, the HIGHEST GOOD and GREATNESS for us BOTH... the GROWTH and EVOLUTION of us BOTH. That I don't have the "right" to put agendas and expectations upon how they interact with me... but I also LOVE myself clearly enough to KNOW HOW I DESERVE TO BE TREATED, and will hold a standard for MYSELF--- not because Mr. Hero has to behave a certain way to get laid.
Real LOVE means that I am fully accountable for my emotions and finances and place on this planet... but also willing to be in partnership with another who is fully accountable for theirs.
It doesn't mean looking for someone with a great career, life, path they are on- so I can piggyback upon their dreams... but walking forward along my OWN path and realizing that our TWO paths line up.
I'm not looking to be caught or to catch anyone. I'm intending to FLY and SOAR through the skies... I want that for someone else too. Just like migrating birds who take turns in the headwind but are ultimately going the same direction towards the same destination.
Photo credit: Bird Song poster, London Underground, via The Feather Collective
EVERYONE must fly their own sky... use their OWN WINGS. To me- this is what LOVE is. Freedom and Choice. Honoring and Empowering. Loving myself and being so OKAY with who I am that I can LOVE and Cherish another for what they are... without "NEEDING" them to fill an imaginary hole I may think I have.
Oh and lots of good sex. That too. ;)
(lol... really did write that last sentence...)