Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Bursts of COLOR

Journal Entry June 26th, 1995

(17 years old... almost grown up)

All I want is BRIGHT BURSTS OF COLOR. 

I want the intensity, the ecstasy, the despair. I want the experiences that I've only read about. I want to find out who the REAL me is. I want the purpose of life to apply to me. I want the FREEDOM from my parents- NOW before the responsibility of being grown up is intact. I want to be there, see it all, feel it all, hear the message and SPEAK THE DIVINITY.

I want to float somewhere out by myself soaking in the sunshine. I want to know the answers to my questions.
I want to know why I can't commit. I want to know why people seem so insignificant, why the human race seems so futile and "humanity" is fiction and bullshit.
I want to learn how to LOVE and devote and FEEL SO DEEPLY that the core of me aches like a train ripping though me.
I want to NOT think that I'm going crazy. I want to be me. 
I want to know what that is. 
Katie Jo 1995 (wearing Brians sweater.... taking the dare to go into the boys bathroom at school) 



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