Saturday, April 11, 2015

The Beauty Of Me

I Am Beautiful.

I was challenged by a spiritual leader I'm training under currently to say that. She has "gifts" that allow her to see into peoples hearts.

She was right on the mark when she told me that she can see that I have accepted I Am beautiful inside but that the idea I Am beautiful on the outside creates conflict in my energy field.



Yes.

I'll tell you why....

What does being Beautiful EVEN mean?????


Recently, I had a friend- a man who I've known as an acquaintance for years... spend two hours repeatedly complimenting me on my Lips. Telling me they are "luscious" commenting how "yummy" they looked... how he was so intrigued to taste them.
In those 2 hours... he never inquired about my voice, my heart, my life message. 
He kept reaching out and touching me. My arm, my shoulder... he touched my chin. Casual, light, momentary touches. 
If he KNEW me... or even attempted to know me, he would know that a man projecting into my physical "bubble" without invitation is a hairline TRIGGER for me.

(I know,,, for many women this is flirtatious, and flattering. I'm NOT saying it's NOT alright... just that it's not for me.)

I rarely share a little about my background, but it's important- especially when I speak at different public events or work with teens and women's groups, so I won't go into it here much either but....

By the time I was teen; there were some "absolute truths" I knew. 

1st: I was abhorrently, despicably UGLY.
2nd: No One, absolutely No One wanted me.
3rd: Every person I loved... I hurt or was a burden to and any physical punishment and pain I received... I deserved because of it.

Fast Forward to today.



I see others- men and women approach me and tell me I'm "beautiful."

I recognize that people often pay attention to my appearance.

But, honestly, contemplating my appearance is something I tend to avoid.

YES; I, like most people want to be attractive, want to be desired... I LOVE when a romantic partner loves the way I look- the way I move, loves my body.
(yum)

But because of the trauma I've overcome, passed through and traveled concerning my physical body and the appearance of it.... I am weary of people who enter into my physical space solely because of the way I look.

I Am a woman. I Am emotional, volatile, passionate, changing, a tigress, a lamb, fury and compassion all in one. My body is the vehicle I express who I Am. 
I AM Beautiful. I AM beautiful in ALL of my seasons and facets. I LOVE expressing the PASSION and LOVE that I AM with my body. I Am every cell, every whisper, every nuance. I AM Woman. 

Love me for ALL of it. Not just a part of it.

Original Painting "Graceful Elegance" by Henry Asencio 


Trust me.... Men... I LOVE you for ALL of you. I love your bodies, I love your power, I love your vulnerability, I love your logical, I love your passionate, I love your drive, I love your nerdiness... I love the red blood cells and way you move, think and act differently than woman.

I'm asking for the same.

There was a time when I was so self-hating and lost that I accepted ANY form of desire or attention... I'm different now.
I LOVE me. ALL of me.

YOU don't have to love all of me... but I'll ONLY share the PART of me known as "body" with those who do. 





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