Tuesday, March 28, 2017

My Son's Passing March 28th

To Love is to lose. To lose is to Love. Having only today is part of what Love is. ~ Katie Jo

Journal Entry From this Morning:

Today, is the 14th anniversary of my son, Jonah's death.

This past week and last couple of days have been challenging for me in the sense that I "feel" it approaching. Today, though- it's simply here.

My story is significant but I resist saying it's special. We all face challenges and all of us will face loss.
Unless we live a life devoid of love, we will all at some point lose someone we love.
It will be that moment when life stops and the world seemingly betrays you by not stopping.

That day when your own world has been obliterated but the rest of life keeps moving like marching Ants and you alone stand still in the chaos screaming "STOP!!!!".......... and it doesn't.

To lose is to LOVE. To LOVE is to lose.

But without Love, to hold it back because of the hurt... takes the very MAGIC and beauty of life away.
To be hurt so deeply when loss occurs is part of the Game of Life. Yes LOVE is a terrifying Jack-in-the-Box experience. That's ALL part of it. Knowing that we ONLY get today. No attachments, no agenda, no "What if's" or "You Must's" just the opportunity to LIVE the LOVE we feel.

Knowing that we REALLY only have today- we only have this moment to say "I love you" and to SHOW it.
To buy the shoes, splurge on M&M's, to take the day off work sometimes, to sit on the front step watching the sunset in silence... and MOST importantly- to express Love in such a way that when you shake the shoulder of your child, your lover, your friend and they shiver their way out of slumber while you ask "Do YOU KNOW that I LOVE YOU?" they answer "YES."

This is the gift Jonah's life taught me.
To never take it for granted.
To never take tomorrow for granted.

Because I did love Jonah; with ALL I knew how to LOVE at the time- and I was a young, inexperienced Mom doing her best.
When that Jack-in-the- Box exploded and my heart felt as though a sledge hammer had made it ground beef- the days, weeks, and years after that; what haunted me MOST was/is "Did he ever doubt his Mother's Love? Did I truly do my best?"

The only answer is: I don't know.

The handle is rotating. The music is jingling along.
Eventually- all of us experience the end- LOSS.

Who am I today? How do I love today?
Because today is ALL we have.
That's the BEAUTY of it.
That's the POWER of it.


Tuesday, March 21, 2017

The Camel Drum Story

In sweltering 120 degree heat we crammed into hot taxi's like smashed tuna fish permeated by the choking stench of exhaust fumes, and made our way through the hectic and chaotic streets of New Delhi, India.
May 2016

A handful of good friends and I were on a trip to serve and speak at an International Women's Conference. We had taken a break from the Air Conditioned, Luxury Hotel to battle the car horns, beggars, rickshaws, bicycles, and occasional cow pulling a cart through the packed and bustling down town.

Arriving at the 3 story department store, we were amazed and enamored by the scope of wares and bobbles available at it.
Linens and silks, Persian rugs, Sari's and shoes, bedding, Nick-knacks and Tibetan Singing Bowls were on every shelf, nook, and cranny.

It was like entering the book, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, as we explored the cultural phenomena.
Incense burned, candles flickered. New and polished vases sat juxtaposed to 1000 year old antiques. Fascinating.

I had come along for the ride. I hadn't intended to purchase anything and laughed as my sweet beautiful girl friends twirled and spun in traditional Indian gowns and worked with designers to create their very own tailored outfits.

While the men in our group indulged in the limitless drinks that the sales people refreshed at no charge; I was content to play the sound bowls and peruse Taj Mahal magnets and leather bound journals.

Then..... I saw it.

A four foot in diameter Steel Base Drum.

I remember sticking my head out around a corner of the stairway and crying out to my friend upstairs  as I snatched a drum stick and pounded the leather rawhide drum head.
A resounding echo filled ALL three floors.
He heard the echo... and came running.

I asked the sales person what animal hide it was created from.... Camel.
(mind blown)

A CENTURY  old Camel Hide Drum.
Hand tied, Hand hammered base.

$1000 was reasonable when the dealer asked for it.
Drums this size in America are usually $2500-$4000
Another $800 shipped it via Freight to Salt Lake City, where- after 3 months of waiting; I hired a friend to get the crate back to my home in his truck.

We stood at Customs for a half hour while the Customs Agent tried to discern whether or not we were legally allowed to have a Camel Hide Drum in Utah.
(It turns out you can as long as it's antique. Phew)

On my way out the Agent asked "Waiting a long time?"
"Yes!" I sighed exasperated. "Trust me, I'll never buy anything again I can't smuggle in under my shirt."

The words at which, my buddy with the truck grabbed my arm and hauled me out of the office before they could do a "cavity search."

After all this, I FINALLY have the drum. AND... I was SOOOOO happy . AND I still AMMMM SOOO Happy.

My kids say it SHAKES the WHOLE HOUSE!!!

But- It's time for it to find another home.

I've enjoyed it for months and love it- but it's time that it lives somewhere else.

I'm posting it here for $950

(you saw my prices earlier- you know this is a crazy bargain)

I actually bought another "Grandmother Drum" the same size here in the States and feel like having TWO large drums is too much.
My loss is your gain.
Please message me on Facebook.

Thank YOU!